Hollywood, CA — Comedian Chris Rock took things way too far when he made the unconscionable decision to tell jokes during the Oscars. He was promptly which put in his place when actor Will Smith went on stage and slapped him. The incident happened after Rock made a joke directed…

Washington DC — A solemn President Biden and Vice President Harris spoke at the United States Capitol exactly one year after nothing happened. “It was just one year ago that a mob, inspired by a defeated President, charged these hallowed halls and held a knife to the throat of democracy,”…

A new study from the University of Southern California finds that this coming year will not be any better than the last and that any energy spent on hoping for anything better is wasted. New Year’s Day often gives people a renewed sense of optimism both for themselves and the…

The North Pole — During his yearly trip to deliver gifts to all the good children of the world, Santa Claus was unknowingly infected with the highly contagious omicron variant of the coronavirus and now millions of global cases can be traced back to him. “I admit that it may…

Washington DC — House Republicans largely opposed President Biden’s infrastructure bill after reading a provision to build a new transcontinental railroad and misunderstanding the meaning of the word ‘transcontinental.’ A red-in-the-face Kevin McCarthy (R) spoke on the House floor in opposition of the bill. “The woke mob now insists that…

Cobb County, GA — Fans of the Atlanta Braves are thrilled that their team won its first World Series since 1995, most likely staving off any immediate social or financial pressure to change their name. “I don’t get what the big deal is. The Braves are the mascot because we…

Albuquerque, NM — After Alec Baldwin accidentally killed a cinematographer with a prop gun while filming a movie, the National Rifle Association has released a statement claiming that the incident could have been prevented if the victim had her own prop gun with which to defend herself. “Getting rid of…

Interviewer: I am here with one of the stars of the newest hit TV show from Netflix. The star of Squid Game, it’s a squid. Squid, thank you so much for joining me. You’re no doubt very in demand since the show has become such a success. Squid: *wet, squishing…

New York, NY — After Jon Gruden’s resignation following the leaks of emails he sent to an executive in which he used racist, misogynistic, and anti-gay language, the NFL has stated that this is a wake up call, and it’s finally time to address the league’s toxic culture of email…