SpaceX Rebrands as Crematorium
Hawthorne, CA — After their latest starship exploded minutes after launch, SpaceX has seamlessly pivoted their business model from space travel to a method of cremation.
“We realize the choices for what happens to your body after you die can be overwhelming, but picture if you will: your body is put onto a rocket that explodes into a ball of fire in the upper atmosphere. Your ashes fly through the gulf stream and scatter across the Earth. No matter where your loved ones travel, they’ll know that you’re there with them,” now reads SpaceX’s website.
It’s unclear who the target audience is or how the business will stay profitable with starship costs far exceeding the cost of traditional burial or typical cremation.
“You can’t bring it with you,” it says on SpaceX’s website under their 62-million-dollar price.
“This was my vision for the business all along. Of course no one’s going to travel commercially on our rockets. Nor would we want them to,” said SpaceX CEO Elon Musk, on the cusp of tears.
